Cyber Laugh
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Taking a dive

Only take one.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching."

Further down the line is a pile of cookies.

A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
premature ejaculation problems
A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor.
The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.
The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went. The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."
collision with a truck
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck.
When they died, God granted all of them one wish.
The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous."
God snapped his fingers and it happened.
The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing.
This want on and on throughout the group.
God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically.
By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground.
When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."
forgot his wedding anniversary
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
guaranteed weight loss
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.
Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week.
The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program.
Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.
Am I pretty or ugly?
Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"

Boyfriend: "You're both."

Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"

Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."
at the bush for so long
One day, there were two boys playing by a stream.
One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it.
The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long.
The other boy went over to the bush and looked.
The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream.
All of a sudden, the second boy took off running.
The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.
Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away.
The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."
jump higher than the Empire State Building
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
Best devorce letter ever
BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER

Dear Wife Im writing u this letter 2 tell u that Im leaving u 4ever. Iíve been a good man 2u for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called 2tell me that u quit your job 2day & that was the last straw. Last week, u came home & didnt even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked ur favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2minutes, & went straight 2sleep after watching all of your soaps. U donít tell me u love me anymore u donít want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either u are cheating on me or u dont love me anymore whatever the case, Im gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. donít try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. I watch my soaps because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesnít work. I DID notice when u got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came 2mind was ĎYou look just like a girl!í Since my mother raised me not to say anything if u canít say something nice, I didnít comment. And when u cooked my favourite meal, u must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7years ago. About those new silk boxers I turned away from u because the R49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed R50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved u & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home u were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope u have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter u wrote ensures u wonít get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I dont know if I ever told u this, but my sister Carla was born Carl I hope its not a problem!
Ms S

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